Stupidity Abounds
By: Maggoctopus on January 4, 2002

It's time for another installment of Metal Gear Solid stupidity, from yours truly! ^_^ this time with lots of help from my ever-so-lovely assistant/Snake impersonator, Talman (talmanshark@earthlink.net)- he came up with about half of these, so much kudos to him. oh, and a little thanks to Verldhoozewine, too. ^_~

some of these are for MGS1, some for MGS2; some fit into either, but the ones that refer to events in MGS2, I put in that category. that said, enjoy! or something. ^_^;;

***
MGS1 bloopers

Ninja:*about to start dramatic monloque, then pauses as Snake connects a modem cable into his exoskeleton* Um, what are you doing?
Snake: Trying to log on... then dowload the Melissa virus into you. More simple than flat out fighting with you again.
Ninja: Sometimes it sucks to be half machine.

--

Liquid: We end this now brother. *aims Rex's missiles at Snake, then smacks the control panel as the machine suddenly loses power* Bloody Hell! Work you piece of junk!
Snake: ....
Liquid: That's what you get when you purchase cheap equipment from Microsoft... Does anybody know how to use this blasted thing?!
Director: Try Ctrl-Alt-Delete?
Liquid: If it was that bloody simple, don't you think I would have tried it to begin with?!
Snake: That settles it... I am the dominant one. *mumbles something about Liquid's stupidity as he goes to get some coffee*

--

Snake: What do I do if I want to save?
Otacon: ....
Snake: ...what?
Otacon: That just totally ruined the movie'ish feel we had going for a while.
Snake: ...damn.

--

Vulcan: Snakes don't belong in Alaska!
Snake: Technically, ravens don't belong here either!
Vulcan:.....Damn you!

--

Revolver: I love to reload during a fight... Oops. *drops some bullets down a grating*
Snake: An opening! *shots Ocelot in the ass*
Revolver: Hey! I dropped my ammo you dumbass!
Snake: You should've said cut.

--

Psycho Mantis: I can't read your.... What the..?!
Snake comes up from behind the desk and blast Psycho with a Nikita missile, leaving a bloody mess all over the book shelves and walls
Meryl: ....
Director: SNAKE! You were supposed to shoot him, not blow him up!
Snake: Sorry...
Director: Sorry isn't going to bring him back. Geesh.. *walks off, rubbing his head*

--

Meryl: There's a mine field here Snake. Follow my every move so you don't trip any *walks a long and most confusing path around the mines*
Snake shrugs and runs straight forward to the other side, avoiding them
Meryl: You suck, you know that?

***
Now for some MGS2 ones. ^_^;

--

Vamp: *spins towards Raiden, then suddenly slips on a puddle of blood and falls flat on his face* ... GODDAMMIT!
Raiden: ... *turns around and walks out into the hallway, then bursts out laughing*

--

Raiden steps onto the Heliport and arches a brow as a fat man on roller blades streaks past
Fatman:*skids to a halt and eyes Raiden* What?! What are you looking at?!
Raiden: Dead Cell must've been desperate when they recruited you.

--

Raiden: *tries to lead Emma through the patch of lice*
Emma: Eww! Bugs! *balks*
Raiden: That is IT! I quit! *throws all the equipment down and stalks off*
Director: *grumbles and looks at Snake*
Snake: What? I'm not going to mess with her! Make Otacon do it!

--

Vamp: *cringes, rubbing his chest where he just cut himself* Argh... I thought they said they'd get get my stunt double to do this!

--

Colonel: Now Raiden, to hang from the railing, just press the action button-
Raiden: The what?!
Colonel: The action button! You know, the action button?
Raiden: ... this thing? *a gunshot is heard on his end, then silence*
Colonel: Raiden? RAIDEN?! ... dammit, I knew we shouldn't have used the VR boy!

--

Ocelot: *pelts Snake with teacakes* Take THAT!
Snake: Dammit, not this again!

--

Ninja sits there playing chapter two in MGS2, sweatdropping as he reaches the point where Vamp enters.
Ninja: Those cheap bastards....

--

Ninja of MGS2: Just call me DeepThroat
Raiden: DeepThroat huh?
Stage Hand: *coughs*RipOff*coughs*
Director: That's it! You're fired!

--

Raiden dresses in enemy soldier attire
Raiden: Won't they know I'm not one of them because of my lack of accent?
Colonel: That's not important now. What's important is you complete your mission flawlessly.
Raiden:...That didn't even remotely answer my question...

--

Snake: Raven?! *sees the shadow on the wall and turns the corner quickly, firing a shot*
Raven figure: Raaaaaaaa! *fires bbs at Snake*
Snake: Gah! That thing put my eye out!
Director: Wheres the genius that left that there?!

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